I feel like most of the time I only document/take pictures/blog happy times in the Tucker family. Well folks, I'm here to blog about real life for the past 3 & 1/2 months. I don't want to look back and think things were always so bright and cheery. I also want to be real for other moms who may be going through the same season. I don't want to hurt Kate's feelings, which is a big reason I've been putting off writing this....
But let's be honest.........life has been real, real hard ever since Kate was born.
I've shed more tears in the past 3 months than I have in the last 2 years! Those tears stemmed from a lot of things, but the re-occurring theme was "I'm just not enjoying my baby." Now, if you know me AT ALL, you know I'm huge on enjoying every stage and really celebrating each day with my kids. Days never go by where I take them for granted or I don't sit and fully play with them. I don't 'live' for bed time or just 'make it' through the day-but truly soak in the days I've been given with these sweet gifts. All that being said, it pains me to say it's taken quite some time to really enjoy Kate.
By the time Kate was 7 weeks old, Denny had been gone half of her life. Adding that on top of a little 2 year old exerting her independence and adjusting to her little sister, plus, having the little sister who cried when she wasn't sleeping was super challenging! I would get so down on myself a lot of days. With infants, their happiness in life is almost solely dependent on Momma. To say Kate wasn't happy here, was an understatement. I just kept thinking-what in the world is going on. You're fed, napped, dry, cuddled, burped and loved.....why are you screaming your head off? And it wasn't just crying, but downright screaming! The decibel level Kate can reach while crying is astounding! I've had many strangers comment on how well her lungs work. And when she wants to cry, she's just going to cry. There isn't that one thing that usually helps.
I'm not sure if Macy Brooks was unusually happy or if Kate was unusually unhappy, but boy are these different babies:) If MB was crying(which was rare), I could soothe her in about 5 seconds by holding her or talking to her. Kate is a different story. Just until recently, Denny and I have actually been a little scared of her:) It was like, "don't move her blanket, because if she starts crying, who knows how or when she'll stop!" So that was another depressing thing, I couldn't soothe my own baby! Talk about feeling terrible!
To say I've had a rough start and adjustment period is to put it mildly. I'm kind of thinking that she has a sensitive stomach and it's taken time for her little intestines to get straightened out. BUT.....things are looking up! In the past 2.5 weeks, Kate has done a 180! She's turned into a laid back, happy, go with the flow kind of gal. You just glance her way and she smiles! Swaddle her up, give her the paci and lay her in her bed and she'll go to sleep. She still hates to be rocked, if she needs help going to bed she prefers the bounce, like deep squats bounce(hopefully my booty is getting firmer!) Pretty sure the carpet in front of her crib is showing signs of wear, while her comfy rocking chair looks brand new.
I'm not scared of her anymore and I can calm her down quickly! She's falling into a nice schedule during the day of 2 or 3 naps and eating every 3 hours. When I feed her around 5am, I go into her room, turn on her night light and peer over the crib. Each time I'm greeted by a huge smile as I scoop her up. I mean, who smiles in the middle of the night like that? She loves her playmat, just smiles and laughs at that disco light. There's no more screaming on every car ride and I feel confident going in public again! Days we do have to leave the house during her normal nap time, she either sleeps on the go or just stays awake, but rarely cries! She's a true joy and is bringing so much happiness to this family. I fall more in love with her everyday. I can now say that I am really ENJOYING her! It still makes me feel horrible to think back to (what is likely our last) newborn stage and know I struggled so much, but guess what? That's real life!
I love you Kate!
5 comments:
Don't feel bad, you are just being honest. We had a really hard 6 months with our son. He too was a screamer, was super sensitive to noise and crowds, and was just all around a very high maintenance baby that we too were afraid of. He only slept in a swing and likely had stomach issues as well or colic. It was difficult for me as a new mom and hard on our marriage as new parents not knowing what to do. However, we survived and figured out how quickly each stage your child is in goes, but that's impossible to see often when you are living it.
You are a good mom so don't beat yourself up!
Glad I am not the only one who felt like they couldn't "enjoy" the baby stage this time around. Our twins were both colicky for 2 months!!! I thought we were going to go insane. Things are still very crazy around our house, but we are finally adjusting after 5.5 months! Blessings!
I've followed your blog since before MB was born, but never felt compelled to comment until now.
Your experience with Kate is very similar to what we went through with my son, who is now 2. The only difference is he didn't like any swing at all, didn't like carriers until he was about 3 months, and we're pretty sure there was no gastrointestinal cause. He had colic, and you summed it up accurately when you said you feared Kate. We feared my son, or rather, feared the sound of his pacifier being spat out and hitting the floor after hours of pacing with him in the dark. We were constantly on edge, fought a lot, felt incompetent and I cried through multiple pediatrician visits.
Then suddenly, at the 6 month mark, it was like a switch flipped in his head and to this day he is the most amazingly easy going toddler. I can't believe he was that baby! He loves to give hugs and kisses, plays daddy to his stuffed monkey, will kiss your booboos and ask if it's "all better?" and rarely cries at bedtime. He is an absolute joy.
Kate seems to be turning the corner earlier than my son did, which is great! Just wait and watch. She will amaze you and you'll never take another peaceful day or night for granted! :)
I love this post! I can really relate. Our 2nd born, Dylan, cried all the time when he was a baby... I guess colic. I remember one night around 3am (after many, many nights of crying and no sleep), in my exhaustion and frustration I yelled out "Shut up!" Then I cried for telling a little baby to shut up! Thanks for keepin' it real! :)
More mom's need to be honest about this instead of "loving every minute" attitude. Of course we all love our children but it's a tough job and it isn't always pretty...and that's ok!
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