Sleep Anxiety

Oh where to begin?
Parenting is incredibly hard. No one tells you these types of things. You expect sleepless nights with a newborn or young toddler....not with a 5 year old. I've done nothing but cry for the past week. We are at our wits's end.

It started about 10 months ago with the 'demands' she makes to Denny and I every night:
-bring my water up
-take me potty before you go to bed
-rub me before you go to bed
-check on me before you go to bed
-and MOST importantly, wake me at 7:30 so I can have breakfast with daddy. She is FIXATED on this.

We do each of these things EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. without fail. We have never let her down, yet she's still not trusting and believing that we will do it. It has gradually gotten worse over time and extremely bad lately. We are weary and burdened.

Denny had a good idea to write the list down so she didn't have to tell us every night what to do. We hung it on the wall outside of her door 'so Denny and I can read it every night and know what to do.'  Now she just repeats, "are you looking at the list?" "Are you going to do everything on the list?" She wakes us all night long asking if Daddy is going to wake her and have breakfast with her. It is bizarre! And so, so tiring.

When Denny is away for work, it seems to relieve the biggest stress from MB. She knows he is gone and doesn't have to worry about waking herself and checking to see if he's up for the day. We were desperate for a good night's sleep last night and told her he had a trip. He went to dinner with friends and came home late. Her bedtime was PERFECT, not one issue of stalling or asking about the list or anything. She wakes at 11 to go potty and sees him. The anxiety starts immediately and we are then up until 2 with a miniature version of the exorcist. It is terrible to watch. On one hand I feel terrible for her and on the other hand it is INCREDIBLY frustrating. We have tried everything and nothing is working. In fact, it's getting worse.

Here's what we have tried:
*tons of prayer, praying out loud over her and silently alone
*essential oils
*benadryl every once in awhile when we are desperate for sleep
*melatonin
*saw the counselor 1x (have a 2nd appt tomorrow)- she taught her how to breathe and push anxious thoughts away
*deep breathing
*answering all her questions
*ignoring her and taking her silently back to bed
*no dairy close to bedtime
*talking about her heart and mind-trying to get to the bottom of it
*not talking about and trying to make sleep a non-issue
*rewards: immediate and 7 nights with a big reward
*punishments: oh so many punishments. Have taken away a million things-nothing has worked
                      it's made me realize she is definitely sick in the head with anxiety. She can obey all day long                          and make wise choices to avoid punishments during the day. At night, she cannot think                                  logically. All rationalism is out the window. We have tried taking away 'breakfast with daddy'                        and that didn't work. Then we tried him doing it anyways even after a bad night, just to show                        her that he is faithful and will follow through on what he says.

Last night in the throws of it all, MB is in her bed and is somewhat calm-hopefully about to fall asleep. Kate is coughing her head off and can't stop. It was crushing trying to decide if I should go give Kate a sip of water and a honey elixir. What if MB see me? Hears me? Is she going to start up again? I was quiet as a mouse and of course she hears me in the hall. And yes, it starts all over again and went for another hour. All because Kate needed some water.

Denny and I feel like little prisoners in our home every night. Be SUPER quiet, don't wake her, don't let the phone ring, should we take her to the potty?(she pees her bed every night if we don't), don't do the dishes-just leave the kitchen dirty. Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is wrong with our kid? Why can't we help her? Why doesn't she trust us and feel secure? What does a happy, healthy 5  year old have to be anxious about?

I want to love her through this and help her. Show her grace and mercy, but I'm struggling. I'm having trouble being a good mom to MB-I just stay mad and frustrated with her. I can't be a fun and happy mom to Kate because I'm upset with her sister and so low on energy. Resentful feelings are starting to develop towards Denny since this all seems to revolve around him. I KNOW it is not his fault. He's the best dad. He spends quality time with us every day! He is calm and gentle and loves us so well. But we are arguing more(lack of sleep) and at a loss as to what to do. He's going to the counseling appointment tomorrow so maybe she will have some answers.

We are feeling hopeless. I look for gifts from God every day and do my best to keep the perspective. We have a great family, a heavenly Father who loves us, our basic needs are met and abundantly more; but if I'm completely honest-as small as this may seem-we are having a crisis in our family and do not know where to turn. Watching her in the night unable to calm down or be rational is painful. It is a different child, one that we do not know or understand. I keep saying "this too shall pass," but we are growing weary and impatient.

I'm not an anxious person and I'm starting to dread the nights. Will we sleep? How many times will we be up? Will it take long to get her back to bed? Can we stay calm? I don't even want night to come anymore. It feels like we have a newborn.

Are we missing something? How is this ever going to turn around? What is left to try?

Not to mention September is here and my boy's 6th birthday is right around the corner.....