Oh, Hello there Grief

I cried in my dreams which led to real crying(even though I didn't know it) all. night. long. It's 6:12 and almost time to get Macy Brooks up for school and I feel like I've been run over by a truck. And of course there's a full day lying ahead.

I could feel it coming. Tuesday afternoon it struck and I tried to hold it in. "It's been 7 years" I told myself. "September always feels like this" but I won't let it this year. "Just enjoy the beautiful day." But grief is more powerful than that. The kids were running around with the rest of the kids on our street. The doors are open and it is a beautiful day. It's the first sign that September is coming and summer is leaving. Cool mornings, warm, but pleasant afternoons. Makes me feel blah every single year. Who knew grief could strike because of weather.  

I dreamed about my Grandpa and Brooks off and on all night. My Grandpa was there in front of me and we all knew he was about to die. I couldn't stop hugging him and telling him how much I loved him and I was going to miss him. Then in my dream I'd flash over to post delivery where I was holding Brooks and my heart felt heavier than I ever thought possible. Rough night. And I'm sad. I miss them both terribly. I want to enjoy September and this change in seasons. Maybe next year.

In our foster care training we learned that the 5 senses can affect kids who've been through trauma. Driving by a certain place can trigger their emotions and feelings. Smelling a certain smell. I think those experts are on to something. It strikes when you least expect it and don't want it to.

Leaning on the Lord today!