Here we are 2 years and 3 months after losing our baby boy. I'm learning that grief is definitely a journey and not a destination that you can depart.
I haven't cried in a little while, but Brooks is still missed every bit (if not more) than the day we lost him. I think about him somewhere between 5 & 10 times per day. On nights I wake in the middle of the night, my thoughts are always about him. I re-play and re-play and re-play events surrounding his last weeks with us. I think about his pregnancy, his birth & his funeral. I hate that I only have those events to think of to keep his memory alive. It's not like mourning a person who lived in the world. There are no pictures, videos or tactile memories to rely on. So I think about what I do have to remember. Which unfortunately, is mostly sad things.
In some ways the grief has taken new turn since Macy Brooks arrived. I now know how amazing it is to have your own child in your home and family. And it is amazing! It makes me miss my son even more knowing what I missed out on.
Thanks for any continued prayers. Thanks for hugging your babies tight and not taking healthy pregnancies and babies for granted!
12 years ago
2 comments:
Ashly I love that you are always so honest and open! It is such a testimony to how God has and is working in your life. It helps me know exactly how I can pray for you, and how to continue to! You know I treasure our friendship and love you lots! That precious baby boy will always be missed!
Grief certainly is different now that we have Hannah in our arms. I understand what you're saying.
I think when you lose a child before you have any living children in your home, it's a different kind of grief journey. Not easier or harder, just different.
So thankful for your cutie pie.
love,
ebe
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