Well....only 40 more minutes until we're supposed to have the phone call to report mature lungs!
Denny and I had our alarms set for 5:45 this morning, but I woke at 4:30(thought it was closer to morning because the moon was so bright!) and he woke up at 5. Can you say anxious??
Our sitter arrived on time at 6:15 and we were in the exam room by 7:15 as planned. Macy Brooks' amnio was a breeze. No pain and took less than 5 seconds. This one was completely different. I can just now talk about it without crying!
The sonographer found some fluid and I was covered in betadine. Dr. K inserted the needle which hurt terribly this time. Almost as soon as he got in the baby began to push against the needle with his/her leg. So he kept trying to draw up the fluid and it wouldn't budge because of the pressure. He stayed in for about 5 minutes. That felt like an eternity. I was trying to relax while crying(which is very hard to do!) and squeezing Denny's hand. I had my eyes closed the whole time. Dr. K pulled the needle out and had to go back in with a new needle. The room was getting very tense by now. Dr. K was getting annoyed with the sonographer and the baby(for not moving) and then me(for not relaxing). The second needle was in for about 4 minutes. As I was just about to tell him to stop and forget it, the baby moved a hair and he was able to draw it up. WHEW! I was now a complete wreck from pain and stress. I felt super woozy and was not happy. My needle stick sites are still very sore and tender!
So anyways, it's over now and we are waiting, but it was not fun! A total different experience than my last amnio...
Then we left and went to the OB's office for a dilation check. We had an 8:30 appt and arrived about 8:45. We walked out of her office at 10:45. I was in a total bad mood by now. Still upset from the amnio and just wanting to get home to my girl (and eat again!). The OB gave us orders to go in tonight (after a positive amnio result) for a Cervidil (I'm only dilated to 1CM) and then Pitocin in the morning if needed(hoping I don't!).
As soon as we got home, I felt tons better. Macy Brooks had a great morning with her sitter and greeted us so sweetly! We took her to the pool (I didn't do much or carry anything!) and soaked up some quality time. She's sleeping now(as is Denny!) and I paid bills(fun fun!)
PART II
Why do I feel like I need to keep soaking up my last days with Macy Brooks? So dumb! She's not going anywhere and neither am I (hopefully!) We are adding such a blessing to this family and Macy Brooks is going to be an amazing big sister. So why am I so emotional and teary when I think of it not just being her and I anymore? My mom told me something a few weeks ago that was supposed to make me feel better, but didn't really come out that way(sorry Mom!). She said "Macy Brooks isn't going to remember being an only child and just with you all day." What she meant is that she's going to adjust just fine and thoroughly enjoy her new role. But it really made me sad, because I want her to remember these times. I want to remember them! We have had an amazing 2 years of time together. Kind of sad she'll never remember them!
I'm so in love with this baby in my belly and can't wait to meet it and begin our journey of a family of 4 (here together). God has a plan for this baby's life and I feel so blessed He chose us to parent him/her. Motherhood is a calling and not just something that fills the days. God has called us to parent 2 kids here on Earth and that is amazing. I vividly remember the days of longing for babies and a house full of laughter and fun and it's almost here! God is so good!
So knowing all that, just not sure why it's so emotional when I think of Macy Brooks' role change. Any ideas?
The end of this pregnancy is just as anxious and scary, but in a different way. Thanks for all the phone calls, texts, emails and facebook notes today. They have really helped us focus and keep our cool when we didn't feel like it! Please pray that our phone call in about 15 minutes says mature lungs and things go smoothly tomorrow. My other main prayer request is for Macy Brooks. I know she'll do great, but pray for her heart and for Denny and I. We need guidance on helping her transition!
Thanks so much everyone!
11 comments:
thanks for the update Ash. You'll do great and Thank God the amnio is over. If it makes you feel better -- Carter (when asked) would not choose to go back to being an only child. he keeps wanting more and more siblings. you are giving MB your same amount of love everyday PLUS a playmate!!! Love you and praying for you.
Ashly~ Thank you for being so raw and honest with your emotions....I'm SO sorry you had such a tough amnio. That makes me sad, b/c I am protective of you guys! But, I am hoping and praying for mature lungs, and an easy & smooth delivery tomorrow. I actually envisioned it being an easy and fast delivery. Let's hope that my vision is right:) Thinking of you and praying often! Sending squeeze hugs to you!!!!!!
Btw...I agree with Shannon...Macy Brooks will love her brother/sister SO much that she will not wish for the days of just you/her (and, I apologize if this sounds mean...:P). Rather, she will wish for more and more days with ALLLL of you together with the sounds of laughter and noise you've always wanted to hear in your home! I promise you this!
While I can't relate to the feelings with a baby in my belly, I can relate to the angst of looking at grey and being sad to split our time. My theory is that they were both long-awaited babies so they are very special. But a wise man at Home Depot (?) made a point to tell me "as much as you love him just know he'll never be duplicated. Your next will be just as special and that bond will be unique in it's own way." while completely random, he seems like he's onto something. I know this baby will bring his/her own uniqueness to the family you'll wonder how you ever lived without!! And being close to a sibling is great!! MB will step up with style for sure!! :)
Sorry you had such a rough day but hope it leads to good news from the doc that your sweet baby is ready! I totally understand the emotion of welcoming a new baby into the mix. I sobbed putting Rowan to bed for "the last time" as an only child before Finn was born. It's ok to feel those things- you are not alone and just like everyone had told me, once my little guy was here I never again thought about the days before. He was perfectly placed in our family. I remember fondly my days with just Rowan but can't imagine life when it wasn't the four of us. Praying for you!!
I will share a story with you from a now Grandmother of two. When I was prego with my second I can still remember sitting and rocking my first who was 3 when I had his brother. I had three wonderful years with him and as I sat there I can still remember my thoughts that night that there would never be a way for me to love anything as much as I did him. It made me very sad for both of them. But the moment I held my second I loved him just as much as the first. The two have drove me crazy growing up with the arguing and fighting. But I can tell you when it comes down to it, they can fight with each other but no one else better mess with them. They have an unbreakable bond that I never had as an only child myself. We are three peas in a pod to this day, and they are now men. lol Looking back on it I wish I had had my quiver full... What an amazing little family your going to have sweets!!!
I remember feeling the same way right before Anderson was born. I felt bad for feeling that way but all I knew was me and Karoline and it kind of felt weird adding... but with the sound of one little cry I never felt like that again and it's AMAZING how God allows us to love all our babies so much!! MB is going to LOVE being a big sister. Praying for you tonight!
Sorry you had such a rough day. There is a great book called "The Room In My Heart". I can't remember who the author is but it is a children's book and it is beautifully written about bringing a subsequent child into the world. Jessica brought it home from her school library in Kindergarten, so the public library might have it. Jessica was almost four when Emma Grace was born and I had very similar feelings as you. There are many years between Emma Grace and Matthew and I found myself, even when I was pregnant with Grady, in a way grieving my time with just the two of them. What you've been feeling is normal. And while things will never be the same, they will be even better! Love you girl!!!
Thanks so much for the update, Ashly! I was confused on your timeline so I've been thinking about you all day, just wondering if you would deliver today. I'm so sorry that your amnio was painful this time. You are a brave momma for sure! I'll keep on praying. And for what it's worth, I get a little emotional at the thought of even trying to have another baby (whenever that time comes) b/c I feel like I won't be able to love Savannah and other babies equally - crazy thoughts but I sort of know what you mean. Not too much longer until baby #3 is in your arms!! Yeah!!
Ashly,
I love keeping up with your blog! You've been on my heart a lot lately-- and I've prayed (and will continue to) for you to have a healthy, uncomplicated delivery of a beautiful new baby. How exciting! My thoughts are with your family. Congratulations!
P.S. I will pray for Macy Brooks too... I've been having a LOT of the same feelings about Brooklyn transitioning into her new big sister role :)
I remember so well feeling so emotional before my second son was born. I too was worried for my first son and how he would handle a new brother. Fast forward 10 months...my heart is warmed daily by the sound of the two of them laughing together. Each one adores the other and to see my older son run over to the baby and hug him and kiss him is just bliss. Macy Brooks will do great....she has a great mama that will show her the way!
Love the new picture! What sweet little girls.
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