So I felt like a crazy lady 2 Sundays ago when we were decorating our tree. One minute I'd be tearing up with happy tears with the joy that has filled our home. Macy Brooks was playing and being so silly with her baby doll, all excited about the tree. Kate was hanging out watching us work giving us smiles whenever we glanced her way. Denny and I had a great day of romantic eye contact and lots of laughs. And I was filled to the brim with thankfulness of all these blessings.
The next minute I was wanting to cry over our boy who isn't here. The Christmas season seems to add to the heartache-not sure why. It's a busy time and so much fun is happening, but I haven't stopped thinking of him. My heart has a little weight to it that isn't quite as heavy during other times of the year. I miss that little boy. I wish he was here, adding to our craziness.
It just felt psycho how quickly I was alternating between the two emotions. I've learned that's how grief works. It's unpredictable and doesn't have any rhyme or reason to it.
Miss you, buddy!
12 years ago
4 comments:
"feel like a crazy lady"..you have no idea how often I have said that about myself. I so relate, and was just chatting with a dear friend who lost a baby about this same thing...praying for you! Thankful for your sweet girls, and sad with you that you don't have a crazy older brother running around there too.
I miss your boy too, Ashly. I love you!
You are not a crazy lady at all. You are a loved lady with a little boy that I miss, too.
I've been thinking a lot about sweet Brooks lately, I think in light of the Green's story. Just wanted to let you know how much he is loved and missed, even by those that didn't even know him in your belly. I love your sweet boy's story and I love you friend.
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