Happy 5th Birthday, Brooks!

Oh, sweet little boy! It's your 5th birthday tomorrow. You're still missed and loved as much as ever. There's still not a waking hour that passes where I don't think of you. Either remembering your labor and delivery and those hours that followed or wondering what life would look like today if you were here. Would you have white hair like Kate, be tall like Macy Brooks or have that 1st born, rule-follower personality? Only Jesus knows. I'm so thankful you are with Jesus. He loves you more than me and  had a plan for your short life. I'm doing my best to use your story for His glory.

We dropped off your birthday balloon tonight. It's a beautiful, crisp evening here. Much like the day you were born. Thank you for making me a Mama. I didn't get to mother you how I wanted, but you still made me a mother. I had a labor and delivery story to tell along with all my friends. Sure, it made some sad, but I still had it. 5 years later, don't understand why you're not here, and I've accepted that I never will.

I cling to the facts that you went straight from me to Jesus' arms. You've never known pain. No heart ache, no illness, no bad choices. Just love and praise with our Heavenly Father. And for that, I am thankful. Give Papa Dewey a hug for me. I miss him too!

Our family and a few friends are going to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow for a fun evening on your birthday. It's the opposite way from your special place so we took the balloon tonight. Macy Brooks snapped a few pictures of us while we were there. She made us say "Happy Birthday Brooks" while she clicked the button. It was very sweet! Earlier this week, I was writing 'Brooks' 5th Birthday' on our chalkboard in the kitchen and she appeared from the playroom saying, "I miss my brother." We all miss you and many have never met you.

I hope there's a great big birthday party in Heaven tomorrow! Mama loves you and I'm so, so proud of you!