I trust You

Brooks was born on a Thursday. Our 39 week appointment was on Wednesday, the day before. That morning I woke up and was starting to wonder how my little guy was doing in there. My worry was really gearing up around noon on Wednesday(my appt was for 3pm) so I called any friends I could think of and asked about their pregnancies. Each friend told me the same thing..."I barely felt her/him move in the last few weeks" or "you're just running out of room." I had also read the same thing on the internet that very morning. I gave the dr's office a ring and asked if they had any earlier openings. I never told them why I was calling and they said they were completely slammed. I told them I could wait a measley 2.5 more hours and did my best not to worry. I laid down on the couch and prayed to my Heavenly Father.

"Dear God,
I don't know what you're up to but I trust You. You know what's going on in there. I really want You to keep Brooks safe and bring him to us soon. Thank you for this sweet blessing and the wonderful past 39 weeks. You know I'm starting to worry and I'm putting a stop to it. I will not worry anymore. You are in control and will take good care of us. I am putting this baby in Your hands and I trust You."

If I only knew what I was praying. God was already taking the best care possible of our sweet boy. He did know what was going on and He has taken great care of us. Grace has been sweeping into our home in the most abundant ways.

Shortly after we came home from the hospital I remembered the prayer I prayed that Wednesday morning. My first thoughts were..."God, you have really let me down this time. I did a good job of not worrying when I really wanted to freak out. I told You I trusted You to take care of Brooks and You let him die."

My anger only lasted a week or two and I realized my post-partum thoughts had not been Godly. He was taking the BEST care of our baby. He knew what He was doing. He had it all laid out for a greater purpose. We may not understand it yet or ever, but Jeremiah tells us His plans only work together for good. When I told God I was trusting Him I meant it. That meant I had to keep on trusting Him even when I didn't get my way and get to keep our Brooks.

Thank you God for staying faithful when I didn't feel like talking to You for a couple weeks. Thank you for laying out great plans for Denny and I. We do trust You. When things are going good and when things are not going our way. We love You.