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| He gave Macy Brooks her first sip of sweet tea Easter 2011 |
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| Papa Dewey and Grandma holding MB |
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| Loving on our big girl |
I have the best memories of life with Papa Dewey. We built rabbit cages together and then he gave us all bunnies for Christmas. He grew up on a farm and inherited the land. We'd go down there and ride the tractor and bushhog the land. He taught me how to fish and mow grass. We did a lot of work! But it was always fun. I've never met a harder working man. During the summers I would stay at their house for a week and we worked and played. I love the story of a Christmas when I was very young. My family flew from Texas to NC and Papa Dewey gave me a rocking chair. My dad looked at him and said "how do you expect me to get this home on the plane?" And Papa's response : "that's up to you, I wanted her to have this chair. It's your problem now!" Ha!!!
Papa Dewey LOVED Jesus! He read his Bible EVERY morning. He knew scripture backwards and forwards. He even left bible tracts at restaurant tables. He wanted everyone to know Jesus. Papa Dewey definitely had some rough patches in life and Jesus drew him out of the pits and rescued him.
Having a close loved one pass away with kids around is a whole new ballgame. I went to Macy Brooks' room on July 16th and told her Papa Dewey had died and gone to Heaven. I reminded her of his sick heart and how we'd been praying for him. It was her first experience really hearing "died" and "dead." She didn't ask too many questions that morning and I was able to hold it together for most of the day. Later that morning we are on the way to the Y and out of nowhere she says "Papa Dewey's dead." Such a blow to the gut to hear that out of nowhere. She was processing through some thoughts. Then, "but we'll see him again when we get to Heaven." She did start stuttering that day out of nowhere. It got progressively worse as the day went on and into the next. By the time we arrived at the beach it was almost gone. I'm guessing it was stress-induced?
A couple weeks later, Kate's pretend phone rang and she answered saying "Papa" and Macy Brooks says, "Kate, Papa Dewey is dead remember?" Uggghhh!
Denny's parents met us in NC and showed up with a wonderful book by Maria Shriver. It has explained Heaven so well. We read it on the way back from the visitation and she asked a lot of great questions and we had good conversation.
I was a complete basket case at the visitation. When I arrived, the girls went into another room (didn't really want MB to see his body) and I just bawled my eyes out for a couple hours. I realized I just hadn't had time to grieve. Between keeping these girls busy, packing for NC, cleaning for company, prepping for the beach trip the following week, work and things I had no time to be sad, process or think about him. So it all came pouring out at the funeral home.
Thursday morning we left GA and went to NC, had a nap for the girls and then went to the funeral home. Friday morning we got ready, packed the car again, went to the funeral, had lunch at the church and drove the 6 hours back home. My cousin came around midnight Friday night, we went to sleep, woke up and it was Kate's birthday. Made a big breakfast and opened a couple gifts and then we re-packed the car again and drove 8 (shoulda been 6) hours to the beach. In 3 days, it was 20 hours in the car. WE. WERE. DONE.
Needless to say, I feel like I still haven't had time to process everything. We came home from the beach last Saturday and had the girls' birthday party 7 days later, so we've been busy prepping for that! I love Papa Dewey so much and I'm so sad he's not here with us anymore. I've picked up the phone to call him several times. I miss him calling and saying "How's my favorite Georgia peach?" I've had an underlying sadness in my heart for 3 weeks and it's not going away. How do you grieve with 2 (cute) crazies running around? I don't really want to cry in front of MB, because she just asks more questions. And while I welcome questions and want to help her process and learn they are still hard. And hard to answer things I don't always understand myself. But we've done the best we can. She's a big girl and seems to be handling it well. Trying to grieve with kids has made me realize that maybe it was best I didn't have other kids at home when we lost Brooks.
At the time, I would have given anything to have a child at home to take a little of the heart ache away. But now, after losing Papa Dewey and knowing what it's like to have no time to grieve-it was probably best I was left alone in the house to work through everything. I am more emotionally healthy because I was able to cry for hours, sit in the nursery or look at pictures as needed.
It really excites me to think of Papa Dewey meeting our sweet boy. What a grand reunion in Heaven! I keep picturing them with Jesus and praising our Savior on streets of gold. I miss them both terribly!
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