The message was so great and gave me very practical things to do as I sit in the Waiting Room and wait on God. I'm not quite ready to do it. Today I'm sulking, like a 2 year old. I know I'm acting & feeling this way, but there's only a few more hours to this day. Tomorrow I will apply the message, straighten up & act my
It hit me today that I am still hurting, which I knew of course. Apparently I just didn't know how badly I am hurting. When our speaker spoke about being disappointed with God because of how long you've been in the Waiting Room-the tears just flowed like they haven't in awhile. And they would not stop.
Father, I am mad. I am hurt. My heart has a huge hole in it and it feels really heavy. It's almost too heavy. I know You have big plans for me and You know what You are doing. You only want good things for me. But c'mon already. I am tired of being in this Waiting Room. Sick and tired. Three babies here and gone before I can hold their life-filled bodies? I mean really! You place in me this deep (and I mean DEEP) desire to have children frolicking about in our home, to raise them to know and love You. But, where are they? I'm so thankful You have let me experience great pregnancies and I feel really conflicted about being so upset now, but I am. Please call me from this Waiting Room soon.
Tomorrow I will start acting how I'm supposed to in this Waiting Room. Today, however, I am mad, hurt and VERY disappointed.
But, I do still love You with every ounce of my being.
Love,
me
13 comments:
Ashly, I too am praying that God will call you out of the waiting room that he has had you in. Thank you for sharing a bit more of your heart. I am blessed to have you as a friend, and I am praying for you daily...plus the times you cross my mind/heart in between.
ashly --
i loved this post;
what i loved about it was how open and honest you were. transparency -- i love it!!
thank you for sharing your heart!!!
I can only imagine!
You're in my every prayer.
Ashly - you spoke my heart today. I know how hard it is to be in the Waiting Room for I have been there for some time too. I believe as you do that God knows what he's doing and that his timing is perfect. The waiting is hard and we can't possibly understand why we have to wait for His promises of answer to prayer - but that's the way it is. One day the not understanding won't even matter. But.... in the here and now it does. I pray for you and already rejoicing the birth of this perfect baby that resides within you now. My love to you and Denny. Thank you for being so open. I think it's so hard for non-christians for understand that we have the same feelings as anyone else. What we do have is hope in the future and the love of Christ in our hearts. And yes, we can be mad and still love Him with all our hearts.
Aunt Jeanette
I love you!!!
Me too, Ashly, me too.
He loves us anyways.
Just found your blog- I appreciate your honesty and will enjoy keeping up with you throughout the remainder of your pregnancy. My first baby girl was stillborn and we are expecting another baby girl in the fall- just when you think you are "okay" it hits you like a rock. It seems the closer we get to having a healthy baby in our arms the harder it becomes- Thanks again for sharing!
You know I was told many years ago to ALWAYS tell God what you are feeling bc he knows it anyway...so speak it. He knows your heart Ashly and I will pray that you are called out of the waiting room. I love you and still praying for you, Denny and Baby T!!!
Amazing - I feel the same way some days....
I hope you have found peace in the "waiting room". You have done an amazing job in staying strong in your faith when you have endured so much pain, you are an inspiration to us all! God has an amazing plan for you & Denny! Thank you so much for sharing your journey - I continue to pray for you guys & think of you often. This poem has helped me through tough times & I'd like to share it with you. Take Care. ~KK~
http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/1607/344.html
Ashy, I read your blog often and love to hear updates through Geremy. I just wanted to post a comment to say how much my Faith has grown by watching you in this "waiting room". I've been a believer for a long time, but it seems that trials really refine us and make clear what we do believe. I love that even though your feelings are hurt and pain, God has given you the Faith to still keep trusting, even when it just seems so hard. I know how nervous I have been this pregnancy and I think the nerves come from waiting for so long for it to happen. I love being reminded though that our God is faithful and that He will provide for us in His perfect timing. I just can't thank you enough for being real, honest and continuing to trust in our Heavenly Father. I can't wait to see what God has planned for this sweet life inside you and I can't wait for you to hold him/her and see them grow as your heart so desires.
We are praying for you and waiting expectedly to see what God will do!
I'm there with you - knowing I should act my faith and instead I'm struggling with my life being as it is. Thanks for being open!
I love you Ashly, my heart is so consumed with thoughts and prayers for you and Denny right now and will remain there over the next few weeks - I can't wait to be here and to watch Gods amazing plans unfold before your very eyes!
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