A new wave

A new wave of grief has struck me. Right. in. the. face.

I follow Angie Smith on twitter (and also read her blog http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/) and know her book was recently released. On twitter earlier this week she posted the book could be downloaded (it still can, I think) for free from http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ so within about 20 minutes, I had it downloaded and was on chapter 3. It's so good. If you don't know their story, they have 3 girls and in 2008, lost their 4th baby shortly after birth. Her faith is amazingly strong. She knows scripture front and back. I was introduced to her blog shortly after Brooks passed and it's helped me greatly.

So anyways, this new grief wave hit me the night I began the book. I'm enjoying reading it and it feels healing to read someone's thoughts and know there are others like you me in the world. But, it has brought to the surface many things I haven't really thought about in quite awhile. It's seems strange to me that here, 20 months later, I'm finding myself crying big crocodile tears in the middle of the day all over again.

I think about Brooks about once per hour every single day. But lately, with much joy filling our home and life getting in the way I haven't exactly poured over my thoughts and feelings. This book has led me to do that. It hurts so much and it feels good all at the same time.

I'm really feeling the urge to "talk" about Brooks more. I need to discuss events that surrounded his birth, talk about burying him and what life has been like without him. Our counselor experience wasn't the best (to say the least, that's another story!) so I'm going to use this blog to get it out. I'll pop in with stories every few days.

If you think about it, will you say some prayers for me?