Brooks' 4th Birthday!

Brooks’ birthday was on a Tuesday this year so we kept the celebration simple. The girls and I went to CBS(community bible study) in the morning and ate lunch at home. Then we invited a few of our neighborhood friends who've walked our journey with us to Catch Air. We met at the indoor bounce house at 4:45 and played till 6:30. Our family was planning to go to the grave after and have a picnic by the pond, but it had been a rainy day. Instead, the 4 of us went to Laredos, our favorite Mexican restaurant. I wasn't on the ball and wasn't prepared with cupcakes or balloons to do the balloon release. That made me sad. We still haven’t made it to the grave to give him his birthday flowers, maybe we will do cake and balloons there. Hopefully this week! I took these few pics with my phone.

This was the first year Macy Brooks could really tell you it was Brooks’, her brother’s birthday, and that he lives in Heaven with Jesus. She didn't ask any questions past that, probably next year.  She’s still talking about his party at Catch Air. I haven’t done a fantastic job of telling her all about her brother, but now that she has it down, I’m looking forward to more and more often conversations about him.

Back in the summer, some friends stayed with us for a couple days. Her son is 2 weeks older than Brooks. We worked together and spent our whole pregnancy together, comparing and chatting. They were some of the first to hear our awful news and came to pray with us before we went to the hospital for delivery. Karin was just crying and crying when they came to pray. I think I was still in shock, because I was fairly dry-eyed. I remember saying out loud that Karin was crying so hard, because she was living what we just missed out on. She had that wonderful newborn boy at home. Ours had already met Jesus.

Anyways, they came to visit and it was weird to have a 4 year old boy in the house. I kept catching myself watching him and daydreaming about what life was almost like. It really did make me miss him. My heart ached a little bit more those 2 days, but it also showed me that I’m totally a ‘girl mom’ now. I know how to handle girls and their emotional roller coasters. I feel like I wouldn't even know what to do with a boy. This is very, very weird since I completely ache to parent him in this life.  And I definitely FEEL like his momma. Alright, I’m done, I can’t explain it!

Happy Birthday big boy!