Is it Really?

I cannot believe I am living my dream. Is this really my life? Am I doing it? I'm doing it! And I'm here to say that it is fantastic! When I was a young girl and people would ask me what I'd like to be when I grew up, my reply was always the same- "A Mom." I've been a mom for awhile now since conceiving our son, Brooks. But, when your baby receives a death certificate instead of a birth certificate, people have a hard time viewing you as a mother. Not sure why, but they do. I guess because there is no term for it. Like, a wife who loses her husband is a widow, a child whose parent dies is referred to as an orphan. But there is no word for a mom who loses her baby. Anyways, now that Macy Brooks is here in my arms I am finally viewed as a mother by others. I am what I want to be when I grow up! It's here and it's happening and I am fully enjoying every second.

Since losing our first baby in 2006, I have felt somewhat off. God gave me the desire to be a mother and while I worked constantly on being content with my current stage of life, that was a deep, deep desire only He could fill with a child. I just had to wait on His timing. Now life feels like an on-going great dream. One of those dreams you never want to wake up from. Finally I'm the one with the sweet baby strangers are oohing and aahhing over. I'm the one who gets to lay around all day with her newborn on her chest. It's me that is now showing up at baby showers with the baby people can't wait to see. Conversations about nursing and sleeping schedules are suddenly very interesting to me.

Little things most people don't think twice about make me cry tears of happiness. Macy Brooks got her first invitation to a birthday party. My daughter, MY DAUGHTER, got invited to a birthday party! It's incredibly exciting! There were many days over the past 4 years when I wondered if that day would ever come. Guess what my friends, it's here and I love it! To hear my husband tell people about his daughter makes me tear up everytime. When she wakes in the middle of the night, my first thought is "yea, I get to see her and hold her again!" Denny is so proud and in love with her-it fills my heart with joy.

Thank you God for letting us keep MB. We are really enjoying her. Please continue to guide and direct us on how to teach her of your great love. D and I want her to fall head over heels in love with you. We ask that you will put a hedge of protection around her and that your will be done in her life each and every day. I love you-Amen.