Is this actually happening to us??

Sometimes, and by sometimes, I mean usually, I feel as though our pregnancy and delivery never really happened. I don't think it's denial, but usually after a woman is pregnant she gets to bring her baby home and it's a constant reminder that her pregnancy was real and did in fact happen. Since Brooks isn't here in his crib, swing, laying on his Boppy Pillow, or in my arms it just feels as though the past year of our lives wasn't even real. I know that's probably a concept very few people can understand, but it's a reality in my thoughts lately. Some days when I'm really out of it I like to stare at this picture to remind me of what we have actually gone through and all the hard work of labor.

I hate feeling this way-I want to be able to call on those memories of 2008 whenever I want, but these days, it's as if I was never pregnant and had a son, like it was just a regular year for us. It was far from a regular year for us! We had a great pregnancy that we enjoyed so much. We had a beautiful baby boy that I cannot wait to see again in Heaven!

One more thing I'd like to talk about tonight is what I think one of the worst things is about losing a baby. And that is you don't get to share them with the rest of the world. I had the privilege of knowing this sweet sweet boy and was very much looking forward to sharing him with family, friends and even strangers, but unfortunately I can't do that the way I dreamed. The only thing I can do now is to share our story and how God is using and will continue to use Brooks to grow our faith. We completely trust God that he has wonderful things in store for us. I'm honored I got to carry a baby God thought was so special that He needed him sooner than most. It's my human selfish ways that wish more than anything Brooks was here with us tonight. Lucky for me though, we took lots and lots of pictures that I treasure and look at at least once a day:) So for now, it's what we have to share and I'd like to show him off like all the other normal mommas in the world. Posted below is our favorite picture of our son, Brooks.


Isn't he beautiful? We think so:)

**Please pray for my very sick with the stomach flu hubby when you say your prayers tonight!